Today while in Sunday School the topic came up about how we use our energy. The energy I emit comes from my thoughts, my actions my dreams, my doubts; my prayers. In all honesty, I have adapted a sense of hopelessness as I said today in class. It has largely been self-negative my entire life.
I became hopeless when I was molested and sexually assaulted. Although I survived physically; I did not survive emotionally. I tried counseling but, it actually made me more depressed. So I did the next best thing: I brought my broken self to Christ. I immersed myself in Him. I praised, worshipped and covered myself in Him. He spoke to me clearly and said “come to HIm!”
Yet after about forty years; I still have bouts of hopelessness and frustration from old wounds and new ones. Today I wore a t-shirt that said “Jesus saves.” I thought to myself am I really prepared to defend this bold statement. He did come to save the hopeless sinners.
I think I would say to anyone that my mindset is what brings the hopelessness. I would say that the acts perpetrated against me put me in a position of feeling like God did not love me and because these acts happened against me; I feel hopeless. But, Jesus came to save the hopeless!
It’s been many years since this occurred, and as I look back over my life I see that even though I may have occasional thoughts of hopelessness; God never gave up on me. He pushed me into areas that I really should never have been. He makes me reach to the highest mountain top because Jesus saves.
I was accepted into a UC college and I really did not have the grades. I suppose my essay carried a lot of weight. I got a job after graduating from college at a securities company, even though I was not their first choice. I remember walking in the door and manifesting in my mind “this is where I want to be.” I was talking to God.
The next time I remember manifesting something was when I decided I wanted to purchase a condominium. My agent hopped the fence and we entered into the unit. I said “I want this place.” I got it and lived there until I bought another house after marrying.
The next time I manifested something was somewhat negative; it came when I was going through a divorce; but, I believe this conversation I had with God was necessary because I felt hopeless. I told him that I did not think my former spouse deserved to purchase the house from me. I felt this way not out of vengeance; but, because while we were married He told me that since we had gotten the house; he no longer had to help me. Everything I wanted to do to make it enjoyable for our son and I was destroyed by him. The things i took pride in were destroyed; I was the silent financial partner! And true to form; God made certain he did not have the funds to buy me out.
I envisioned for years having my own business. I worked skillfully towards that goal. I would create, design and build my product while working as a teacher. This past June I retired from twenty-nine years of teaching to focus on my crafting business.
I am now back to working to see this vision manifest by creating my website and Etsy page. Negative thought plague me to stop my vision of embarking on this journey; but. giving up is not any option when you are a child of God. I am thankful I immersed myself in Him, bible study, Sunday school.
Healing Cultural Artifacts 